to the boy who...

To the boy who tried to ruin me

When you left me to crawl home that night,
I was more cracked than a Detroit sidewalk
My face more covered with shit and smeared lipstick
Than a Harlem alley way

& I know, I know that you’d be happy if I never smiled again
But let me tell you
On that night as I dragged
My concrete shoes home
I learned who I am
I learned to give myself the love you didn’t
& in realizing that I was finally free from your grasp,
That you would never hit,
Shove,
Bruise,
Swear,
Blame me for anything
I learned how to love myself

I know it makes no sense to feel as liberated as I do
But you robbed my security
& beat it senseless in a brick stairwell
While the rest of our friends danced next door
& they have no idea what happened because I said “no”

My best friend warned me about you
& I regret not listening everyday
Because she is proof of your monstrosities
Of your force
That is mistaken as “persistence” and “charm”
But it is that charm that consumed me
Into not believing my best friend
When she told me she said no
She said no
I said no

The look of rage smeared across your face
Will never leave me
The disbelief that your “girlfriend”
Could possibly deny you
Filled your mind
“How dare she”
“She’s suppose to love me”
But see love
Is a two way street
And my apologies
And your fists
Make for a weak structure
That will snap under the weight of 2
Because it was only made to support
You.