i walked backwards, against time
and that's where i caught the moon,
singing at me.
i stooped downwards, into my seat
and that's where i caught freedom,
waiting for me, like a lilac.
i ended thought, and i ended story,
i stopped designing, and arguing, and
sculpting a happy life.
i didn't die. i didn't turn to dust.
instead i chopped vegetables,
and made a calm lake in me
where the water was clear and sourced and still.
and when the ones i loved came to it,
i had something to give them, and
it offered them a soft road out of pain.
i became beloved.
and i came to know that this was it.
the quiet power.
i could give something mighty, lasting,
that stopped the wheel of chaos,
by tending to the river inside,
keeping the water rich and deep,
keeping a bench for you to visit.
Saturday, August 30, 2014
fucked up truth...
the fucked up truth of it all
is not everything happens for a reason.
sometimes we make the wrong decisions
and are asked to live with them
for the rest of our lives, and i
am well aware i must live with mine.
still, on the loneliest nights, when i
am halfway to hell and haven't slept right in weeks
i look up deep into the fiery infinity of the sky
and i stop and smile. i am reminded
that although the years will pass
and someday we'll be dust,
i'll always have with me the knowledge
that for one brief, flash of a moment
and against all odds, our stars crossed.
and that will always, always, be enough.
is not everything happens for a reason.
sometimes we make the wrong decisions
and are asked to live with them
for the rest of our lives, and i
am well aware i must live with mine.
still, on the loneliest nights, when i
am halfway to hell and haven't slept right in weeks
i look up deep into the fiery infinity of the sky
and i stop and smile. i am reminded
that although the years will pass
and someday we'll be dust,
i'll always have with me the knowledge
that for one brief, flash of a moment
and against all odds, our stars crossed.
and that will always, always, be enough.
unspeakable acts...
i want you to preform
unspeakable acts of love
to me.
things that words haven't
found
yet.
things that will make my
heart leap and mutate
into something
huge and gruesome-
so large in fact
that you will have no
choice but
to stow me in your arms
and hide me away until my
body has
a chance to grow to
accommodate
what your love has made
me.
-michaelxavier
unspeakable acts of love
to me.
things that words haven't
found
yet.
things that will make my
heart leap and mutate
into something
huge and gruesome-
so large in fact
that you will have no
choice but
to stow me in your arms
and hide me away until my
body has
a chance to grow to
accommodate
what your love has made
me.
-michaelxavier
i never...
i never tried to be anything other than a dreamer.
i never paid any attention to the people who told me to go out and live.
i belonged always to whatever was far from me and to whatever i could never be.
anything that was not mine, however base, always seemed full of poetry.
the only thing i ever loved was pure nothingness.
-fernando pessoa
i never paid any attention to the people who told me to go out and live.
i belonged always to whatever was far from me and to whatever i could never be.
anything that was not mine, however base, always seemed full of poetry.
the only thing i ever loved was pure nothingness.
-fernando pessoa
phantom...
i have not felt
you
for so many days,
so many nights.
i have sat next to
a stranger,
i have held the hand
of a ghost.
i have kissed the lips
of a phantom
and i have put my arm
around the empty space
you should be filling.
you
for so many days,
so many nights.
i have sat next to
a stranger,
i have held the hand
of a ghost.
i have kissed the lips
of a phantom
and i have put my arm
around the empty space
you should be filling.
eight eighty two...
Listen, because we never know how much time we have and whenever, not ever, are in control of when the lights will go out and we’ll be opening our eyes to a new light again. Listen:Never be afraid to be proud of yourself. You are made of magic and you share dust and light with the stars that shine above you. Please promise me that you won’t dim your glow because it hurts someone Else's eyes. Cry. Really cry. They will try to show you and tell you and convince you that men don’t cry, that they bite their lip from the inside and swallow the blood with all the tears they are too timid to let fall. They will say that men are the shoulders and are the rock that stands in the current. Be the water instead for one day that rock will be sand and it will have been you and only you that washed it away. Laugh. Truly laugh. Let life and all of its folly steal the breath from your body and replace it with the staccato melody of giggles and guffaws;the laughter that comes without fair warning and continues without apology. Never be afraid to follow your heart. Take all you have and risk it truly risk it for where your crazy heart decides to take you. Do not ever think you, exactly you, are not capable of chasing your dreams and do not ever think that you, exactly you, are not worth being chased.It’s going to hurt, more than you think it will, and it’s going to heal more than you ever imagine it can. You will be cut, scraped and scarred from these pursuits but scars are stories and one day someone will come along that will pilot the ship of their fingertips down the random rivers of your scars. They will absentmindedly and without knowing why, press their lips to them and feel the smallest shock of life when skin touches skin.
-tyler knott gregson
-tyler knott gregson
Sunday, August 24, 2014
beat you...
damn, i feel sorry for who this was written about....
shits brutal as fuck.
Bo Burnham (via doubleh-partnersincrime)
second chance...
who gives a fuck
about your first love.
give a big
round of applause
for your
second love,
because they taught you
love still exists
after you thought
it never could
again.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
he...
he may still love you.
he probably does.
he probably doesn't know what he wants.
he probably still thinks about you all the time.
but that isn't what matters.
what matters is what he's doing about it,
and what he's doing about it is nothing.
and if he's doing nothing,
you almost certainly shouldn't do anything.
you need someone who goes out of their way
to make it obvious that they want you
in their life.
he probably does.
he probably doesn't know what he wants.
he probably still thinks about you all the time.
but that isn't what matters.
what matters is what he's doing about it,
and what he's doing about it is nothing.
and if he's doing nothing,
you almost certainly shouldn't do anything.
you need someone who goes out of their way
to make it obvious that they want you
in their life.
my world...
not me
he says
you can't love me
i am
dust
and dirt
and nothing more
to which i reply
the earth is
dust
and dirt
and nothing more
and so you are my world.
he says
you can't love me
i am
dust
and dirt
and nothing more
to which i reply
the earth is
dust
and dirt
and nothing more
and so you are my world.
abnormal...
they didn't have a "normal" relationship
they teased each other
they play hit each other
they called each other names
but underneath that
anyone could see how much they cared
because if you listened closely
to every joking "shut up"
there was an "i love you" inside it.
they teased each other
they play hit each other
they called each other names
but underneath that
anyone could see how much they cared
because if you listened closely
to every joking "shut up"
there was an "i love you" inside it.
break me...
so break me in two,
peel back my rib cage
and cover every page
of my heart
with love poems that
you will burn someday.
peel back my rib cage
and cover every page
of my heart
with love poems that
you will burn someday.
return to gone-away...
it is startling,
to say
the very least,
how often
i feel entirely
crazy.
while it fuels
all the good
in me,
the art,
the passion,
and the wonder,
one can only walk
on that
razor's edge,
that line between sane
and mad
for so long without leaning
on way
or the other.
-tyler knott gregson
to say
the very least,
how often
i feel entirely
crazy.
while it fuels
all the good
in me,
the art,
the passion,
and the wonder,
one can only walk
on that
razor's edge,
that line between sane
and mad
for so long without leaning
on way
or the other.
-tyler knott gregson
loyalty...
you can't force loyalty,
some people will always let you down.
everybody won't always be who
you want them to be.
i'm never perfect,
but i'm always genuine,
and i've realized...
people are consistent with who they want
to be consistent with.
they're true to who they want to be true to.
they're loyal to who they want to be loyal do.
it's all about choices...
so in my life,
every excuse just gets
you closer to an exit.
and its no love lost,
i just choose not to
waste my time with games...
we can be cool,
we just can't be close.
some people will always let you down.
everybody won't always be who
you want them to be.
i'm never perfect,
but i'm always genuine,
and i've realized...
people are consistent with who they want
to be consistent with.
they're true to who they want to be true to.
they're loyal to who they want to be loyal do.
it's all about choices...
so in my life,
every excuse just gets
you closer to an exit.
and its no love lost,
i just choose not to
waste my time with games...
we can be cool,
we just can't be close.
Monday, August 18, 2014
try to fix it...
distance
timing
break down
fighting
silence
the train runs off its tracks
kiss me
try to fix it
would you just
try to listen?
hang up, give up
for the life of us
we can't get back...
timing
break down
fighting
silence
the train runs off its tracks
kiss me
try to fix it
would you just
try to listen?
hang up, give up
for the life of us
we can't get back...
terrifying...
i knew that
if i ever broke her heart,
it was not because i
could not love her,
but because i had been
damaged,
being in love
is so damn terrifying
when your
bones have already been torn.
-christopher poindexter
if i ever broke her heart,
it was not because i
could not love her,
but because i had been
damaged,
being in love
is so damn terrifying
when your
bones have already been torn.
-christopher poindexter
clocks...
the thing about broken clocks is
you can always tell
exactly
when they stopped ticking
with people it isn't so easy
and sometimes
you can't even tell
they're broken.
you can always tell
exactly
when they stopped ticking
with people it isn't so easy
and sometimes
you can't even tell
they're broken.
Sunday, August 17, 2014
notebook...
she wanted something else,
something different,
something more.
passion and romance,
perhaps,
or maybe quiet
conversations
in candlelit rooms,
or perhaps
something as simple as
not being second.
something different,
something more.
passion and romance,
perhaps,
or maybe quiet
conversations
in candlelit rooms,
or perhaps
something as simple as
not being second.
Monday, August 11, 2014
Friday, August 8, 2014
everything...
"Everything"
-lifehouse
Find me here,
And speak to me.
I want to feel you,
I need to hear you.
You are the light,
That's leading me,
To the place,
Where I find peace again.
You are the strength,
That keeps me walking.
You are the hope,
That keeps me trusting.
You are the light,
To my soul.
You are my purpose,
You're everything.
How can I stand here with you,
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me,
How could it be,
Any better than this?
You calm the storms,
And you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands,
You won't let me fall.
You steal my heart,
And you take my breath away.
Would you take me in,
Take me deeper now.
And how can I stand here with you,
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me,
How could it be,
Any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you,
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me,
How could it be,
Any better than this?
Cause you're all I want,
You're all I need,
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want,
You're all I need,
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want,
You're all I need,
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want,
You're all I need,
You're everything, everything.
And how can I stand here with you,
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me,
How could it be,
Any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you,
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me,
How could it be,
Any better, any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you,
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me,
How could it be,
Any better than this?
Would you tell me,
How could it be,
Any better than this...
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
don't tell a girl...
don't tell a girl you love her
if you keep your eyes open when you kiss her
don't tell a girl you love her
if when she calls you at 3 am
because she's upset
you tell her you're too tired to talk
and roll back over
and fall back asleep
don't tell a girl you love her
if you fantasize
kissing the girl with the red lipstick and blue hair
who waited on you two
at your 6 month dinner
don't tell a girl you love her
if you don't
because
it will break that girl in half
shred her heart like pieces of paper
drown her in oceans that do not exist
it will kill her
and if it doesn't
it'll make her wish it did.
no way...
i know no way to say i love you simply.
vast words of intoxicated vocabulary rush expeditiously
with centrifugal force through my lips that are poised to silence you
with a kiss.
perhaps i need to rest a while
and sift my thoughts like sand
so as to catch the words and phrases that i pour on you
like melted wax,
as if you understand them.
i do not know what it is that complicates me.
i only know the smell of rain on asphalt hurls my memory in your direction
and that i can not sleep unless we touch.
perhaps the langour of my language will immortalize you.
as i push and pull
apart this dictionary
my heart carries in its pocket
for moments like this
when the sound of your steady breathing settles my soul.
i know no way to say i love you simply,
save the way my eyelashes brush your cheek
when you're asleep...
christy garrison guise 14'
vast words of intoxicated vocabulary rush expeditiously
with centrifugal force through my lips that are poised to silence you
with a kiss.
perhaps i need to rest a while
and sift my thoughts like sand
so as to catch the words and phrases that i pour on you
like melted wax,
as if you understand them.
i do not know what it is that complicates me.
i only know the smell of rain on asphalt hurls my memory in your direction
and that i can not sleep unless we touch.
perhaps the langour of my language will immortalize you.
as i push and pull
apart this dictionary
my heart carries in its pocket
for moments like this
when the sound of your steady breathing settles my soul.
i know no way to say i love you simply,
save the way my eyelashes brush your cheek
when you're asleep...
christy garrison guise 14'
a part of me...
i missed you for too long,
in too many ways,
that it became just another part of me;
engraved deeper into my heart with the passing of time,
i would wake up,
stretch,
breathe,
and miss you.
they told me to let it go,
to let you go,
and i would say:
you can not simply will your heart to stop beating,
that no matter how long you hold your breath for,
you can not hold it forever,
and i could only stop missing you,
if i stopped being myself entirely.
in too many ways,
that it became just another part of me;
engraved deeper into my heart with the passing of time,
i would wake up,
stretch,
breathe,
and miss you.
they told me to let it go,
to let you go,
and i would say:
you can not simply will your heart to stop beating,
that no matter how long you hold your breath for,
you can not hold it forever,
and i could only stop missing you,
if i stopped being myself entirely.
get drunk...
one should always be drunk. that's the great thing; the only question.
not to feel the horrible burden of time weighing on your shoulders
and bowing you to the earth, you should be drunk without respite.
drunk with what? with wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you please.
but get drunk.
and if sometimes you should happen to awake, on the stairs of a palace,
on the green grass of a ditch, in the dreary solitude of your own room,
and find that your drunkenness is ebbing or has vanished, ask the wind
and the wave, ask star, bird, or clock, ask everything that flies,
everything that moans, everything that flows, everything that moans,
everything that sings, everything that speaks, ask them the time;
and the wind, the wave, the star, the bird and the clock will all reply:
"it is time to get drunk! if you are not to be the martyred slaves of time,
be perpetually drunk! with wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you please."
not to feel the horrible burden of time weighing on your shoulders
and bowing you to the earth, you should be drunk without respite.
drunk with what? with wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you please.
but get drunk.
and if sometimes you should happen to awake, on the stairs of a palace,
on the green grass of a ditch, in the dreary solitude of your own room,
and find that your drunkenness is ebbing or has vanished, ask the wind
and the wave, ask star, bird, or clock, ask everything that flies,
everything that moans, everything that flows, everything that moans,
everything that sings, everything that speaks, ask them the time;
and the wind, the wave, the star, the bird and the clock will all reply:
"it is time to get drunk! if you are not to be the martyred slaves of time,
be perpetually drunk! with wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you please."
Monday, August 4, 2014
tricks...
now she's the one afraid to feel.
i wish that i could change that.
but she's built a fortress around
her. a sand castle. it's bound
to crumble. and when the sea rushes in,
i'm afraid she'll drown.
i wish that i could change that.
but she's built a fortress around
her. a sand castle. it's bound
to crumble. and when the sea rushes in,
i'm afraid she'll drown.
the truth...
the truth...
is a product of perception.
one person's mountain
is another's hill. your river
is someone else's creek.
in the end, it doesn't matter.
a lie...
is different. oh, you might
claim a small white one is
really a positive, but a lie,
no matter where it falls
in the spectrum,
corrodes
gently. relentlessly.
confess it, you'll regret
the pain it causes.
but choose to keep
it a secret, and the longer
you
do, the deeper it gnaws,
through skin and flesh,
sinew and bone, all the way
to your heart. and there
you'll carry it always.
don't bother...
don't bother
me with promises. vows
are cheaply manufactured,
come with no guarantees.
don't bother to say you
love
me. the word is indefinable.
joy to some, heartbreak
to others, depending on
circumstance. there
is
evidence that the emotion
can make a person live longer,
evidence it can kill you early.
i think it's akin to
a deadly
disease. or at least some
exotic fever. catch it, and
you'd better, quick, swallow
some medication to use as a
weapon
against the fire ravaging
body and soul.
me with promises. vows
are cheaply manufactured,
come with no guarantees.
don't bother to say you
love
me. the word is indefinable.
joy to some, heartbreak
to others, depending on
circumstance. there
is
evidence that the emotion
can make a person live longer,
evidence it can kill you early.
i think it's akin to
a deadly
disease. or at least some
exotic fever. catch it, and
you'd better, quick, swallow
some medication to use as a
weapon
against the fire ravaging
body and soul.
bleue...
i still feel it.
hear the darkness?
it's a roaring
like no other wind.
the storm that never ends
never leaves.
but it does not control me
not anymore.
so bite me,
my lovely demons.
bite me and bleed me dry.
but i will not falter.
i will not fade.
i am stronger than you remember
me.
hear the darkness?
it's a roaring
like no other wind.
the storm that never ends
never leaves.
but it does not control me
not anymore.
so bite me,
my lovely demons.
bite me and bleed me dry.
but i will not falter.
i will not fade.
i am stronger than you remember
me.
forgive me...
i did not know
until you walked away
you had the perfect ass
forgive me
for not falling in love
with your face
or your conversation.
until you walked away
you had the perfect ass
forgive me
for not falling in love
with your face
or your conversation.
darkness...
she cries salty tears
for inside of those eyes
she carries an ocean
its depths unexplored
with unbearable pressure
that no life could survive
except in some cavern
deep in the heart
demons and creatures
so violent and gruesome
they feed off the darkness
so she holds back when
someone asks whats wrong
for fear of drowning them
for inside of those eyes
she carries an ocean
its depths unexplored
with unbearable pressure
that no life could survive
except in some cavern
deep in the heart
demons and creatures
so violent and gruesome
they feed off the darkness
so she holds back when
someone asks whats wrong
for fear of drowning them
the ballroom of romance...
i am filled with things and i battle feelings
i have never wanted to exist inside of me.
i lack too much confidence and i carry too
much sadness and my body is full of stars
that never learned their name. i wear my
insecurities like pockets and i fill them
with my fears and my hands are growing tired
from reaching down into them to hold the feeling
of being afraid. i am afraid. always afraid.
afraid like chimes when the wind lips
are sealed. afraid like your eyes when the stars
fall asleep in the black. afraid like dreams
when they realize they are just dreams and that
reality is that one scar that will never
fade away.
i am, terrified. terrified that the things inside me
are the things that will keep me from ever finding
a home inside someone else.
-christopher poindexter
i have never wanted to exist inside of me.
i lack too much confidence and i carry too
much sadness and my body is full of stars
that never learned their name. i wear my
insecurities like pockets and i fill them
with my fears and my hands are growing tired
from reaching down into them to hold the feeling
of being afraid. i am afraid. always afraid.
afraid like chimes when the wind lips
are sealed. afraid like your eyes when the stars
fall asleep in the black. afraid like dreams
when they realize they are just dreams and that
reality is that one scar that will never
fade away.
i am, terrified. terrified that the things inside me
are the things that will keep me from ever finding
a home inside someone else.
-christopher poindexter
the truth is...
these people who
contributed to who i am,
they are with me wherever
i go, and as history gets
rewritten in small ways
with each passing day, my
love for them only grows.
because the truth is....it
was the best of times.
mistakes were made,
hearts were broken, harsh
lessons learned, but all of
that has receded into fond
memory now. how does it
happen? why are we so
quick to forget the bad
and romanticize the good?
maybe it's because we
need to believe that the
time we spent together
actually meant something,
that we were there for
each other in a time in our
lives that defined us all,
a time in our lives that we
will never forget. i can't swear
this is exactly how it happened.
but this is how it felt.
contributed to who i am,
they are with me wherever
i go, and as history gets
rewritten in small ways
with each passing day, my
love for them only grows.
because the truth is....it
was the best of times.
mistakes were made,
hearts were broken, harsh
lessons learned, but all of
that has receded into fond
memory now. how does it
happen? why are we so
quick to forget the bad
and romanticize the good?
maybe it's because we
need to believe that the
time we spent together
actually meant something,
that we were there for
each other in a time in our
lives that defined us all,
a time in our lives that we
will never forget. i can't swear
this is exactly how it happened.
but this is how it felt.
in the morning...
you only tell me
how you feel
late at night
when you're in bed
and your eyes
are blurred with sleep
i think it's because
you feel more
hidden at night
you wrap the darkness
around you like a blanket
you find comfort
in the stars
and the quiet opacity
just be sure to love me
in the morning
how you feel
late at night
when you're in bed
and your eyes
are blurred with sleep
i think it's because
you feel more
hidden at night
you wrap the darkness
around you like a blanket
you find comfort
in the stars
and the quiet opacity
just be sure to love me
in the morning
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