feel something...

i don't always like
contentment and simplicity

because i love waking up smiling
and falling asleep smiling
and the feeling of my heart racing
from the onset of a new adventure

and loss and pain
can be just as exhilarating
because while it hurts,
there's still an opened door
somewhere
that promises hope
of a better future

so when i'm not immersed
in a beginning or an ending
and i'm stuck in the middle
of monotonous emptiness,
i am at a risk of throwing myself
into avoidable heartbreak

just to feel something,
anything at all.

priorities...

i want somebody
with a sharp intellect
and a heart from hell.
somebody with 
eyes like star fire.
and a mouth with a kiss
like a bottomless well.

but mostly
i just want someone
who will love me
when i do not
know how to love myself.

acquainted with the night...

i have been one acquainted with the night.
i have walked out in rain -- and back in rain.
i have outwalked the furthest city light.

i have looked down the saddest city lane.
i have passed by the watchman on his beat.
and dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

i have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
when far away an interrupted cry
came over houses from another street,

but not to call me back or say goodbye;
and further still at an unearthly height,
a luminary clock against the sky

proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
i have been one acquainted with the night.

man overboard...

I want to tell him I am no good
for anyone. That if he’s down
in this alley looking for love
he’s in the wrong place, darling,

this is a wasteland where nothing
grows, a world full of dark, dead eyes 
and stagnant water, a bulletin board 
so broken he can’t pin his hopes on.

I am a ship so full of cracks 
it’s bound to sink. He stays anyway.

He thinks he’s all endless ocean, 
a map with no corners. A world 
with no edge. He thinks I cannot 
see the fevered drought in his bones,

the thirst from waiting for someone 
you love to come back from the war. 
So much purblind hope, so much faith.
He thinks this is a war we’ll win.

I tell him I am no good for him.
Nonsense, he says. He stays anyway.

demon...

Where did the wind blow?
Through these silent nights 
Of misfortune.
When did my fire die down?
Against ice cold fields
That spelled caution

Why did I swear 
through and through?
To protect you 
Till my dying breath.
When I knew who I was
Burnt out and destined
To befriend death.

Immortal 
With a price to pay
I live everyday
with a guilt so bright
Fooling the devil 
Along my way
How do I sleep soundly
Through the winter nights?

Forgive me
for what I am
A creature 
The epitome of destruction
What I’ve been 
In your thorn filled memories
A ruthless being
The demon’s construction.

i fell in love with you slowly...

i fell in love with you slowly.

it wasn’t love at first sight, 
or even lust. 
it was a gradual process of awkward greetings and embarrassed blushing
of shuffling feet and prolonged touches. 

it was meeting for ice cream and milkshakes on the beach
conversations that stretched over days and
long nights spend wondering whether you felt the same. 
 
it was slow. 
but it was sure
and looking back now, i wouldn’t have it any other way

amrita...

my mind is a riot, a war,
a constant, consuming cacophony
but my body is a bastion
of numb, unwanted calm.
my thoughts, they scream,
and silently, imperceptibly
my lips twitch. my skin
holds the storm in.