mysteries, yes...

promises...

you're covered 
in all these broken 
promises
from people who said
they would never leave
sometimes afraid
of your own skin
and the scars
that run deep
in your veins
are you ready
are you ready
for someone who 
could turn you
inside out
no one dares
to peel back all the
layers of your skin
all this damage
you're a mess
are you ready
are you ready
because i want
your damaged skin.

3:33...

3:33 am makes me do
crazy thing.
i miss you.
i write poems about you.

i could never do that
at 3:33 pm.
the world is awake.
someone could see me.

love is love...

first half.
a poem. 
by tyler knott gregson.
#810 

"love is love
is love
and when time cuts its way
like a river
through the valleys
of our existence,
our brief and tiny knot
on the endless thread,
i want to know that
my feet 
knew the damp soft soil
on the right side,
the right bank
of history.
love is love
and how hauntingly small
are those
that ever place rules
on where it can land
and whose heart 
it can fill."



this picture was taken a couple weeks ago at the 3rd annual rocket city pride festival.
my best friend is standing beside me. 
i would do anything for my best friend, even if that means "being her girlfriend for a day". 
by golly, i fuckin did it. even was on the news for being in the parade.
that's not my issue. 
i have an issue with the stupid people who like to diss "homosexuals" because the bible says its not right.
who are you to judge? 
before you start condemning someone else to hell, check to see if your hands aren't red first.
god hates the sin, not the sinner.
and honestly, from my point of view.....
love is love.
the point is, you can't help who you fall in love with.
regardless of their ethnicity/gender/appearance/age. 
nobody is perfect.
the way i see it, we are all the same on the inside. all wired the same way and have the same body parts. 
every single fucking human being on the god forsaken planet has emotions.....and have a heart and just want to be loved. 
don't deny it, every one does. its called being a fucking human. 
so regardless of who you are in love with, fuck what everyone else says.
if you wanna love a guy....by all means boo boo....do it.
let god be the judge, nobody else. 
and my opinion....just legalize same sex marriage already.....
quit makin a big deal about it. 
just shut the fuck up and let it happen. 
take your little picket signs and shove them up your ass. 
then you could ask the devil to get the splinters out when you're the one burning in hell for being the judgemental bastard. 
we are all born to die. 
quit trying to tell people how to live their lives when you should be the one worried about living your fucking self.

ughhhh......
i think i'm done.
i've said enough.
you're welcome.

21...

thats love...

i think love just sort of happens. i think you're with a person for a whole day, and you watch them read a book or drink a hot chocolate or rock out to their favorite song. 
maybe, you're sitting on the beach and you're gently tossing sand at each other. 
or maybe you're lying in the grass late at night running your fingers through their hair. 
then the next thing you know, it's 2 in the morning and you love them. 
it's the only thing you can think about.
"i love them. i love them. i love them. holy fuck, i love them."
you don't see it coming, you can't prepare; it's like your blind spot. but when it happens, it's like this whole new feeling. like a color you can't describe to someone unless they see it.
that's love.

reset...

when i can't sleep at night-
i stare at the empty side of my bed,
and wonder about the things
i would tell you,
if you were lying next to me.

every night. 
it's the same shit
over and over.

i go over every tiny little piece of my desire for you. 
i admit that i miss you. 
i feel lonely when i can't see you.
i have no use for my phone because it's never you. 
i have an obsession with all of you.
i'm fascinated by you. 
i'm infatuated with you.
i hunger for your taste, your smell, but mostly
the feel of your soul touching mine. 

i also can't help but wonder if i ever cross your mind
considering you perpetually occupy mine.

there are times where i wish we could just start over.
start back as strangers.
reintroduce ourselves.
stay up late on the phone, laughing and talking. 
relearn everything that we already know.
come up with new inside jokes.
create new memories.
but mainly, 
give each other a second chance.

one last thing,
regardless....you are important.
i am lost without you, friend or lover.
you're like the missing sock from the dryer.
i dont know what i did to lose you, 
but i want you back. 
mainly, i miss my best friend. 
you are the one who planted kisses like seeds 
on my body so in time, 
i could grow to love myself
as much as you loved me.
i've seen your lightest and darkest sides,
and i choose both everytime.
its you, it always has been.

to save you...

i wanted to kiss 
the hell out of you.
literally.
i could see your body
subtly writhing in pain.
i knew there were demons 
that you so stubbornly 
kept locked inside of you.
i saw how your willpower
veiled your battered soul
& somehow made you
self-destructive.
and so, i silently begged
to kiss the hell out of you,
in hopes that it just
might possibly
save you.

dont ask me...

don't ask me about his lips. how they ruby and burn. stretch full over white teeth, taut like a drum. i want him to make music of me.

don't ask me about his hands. the way they are scarred with stories. how they slide thick down his legs as i stare. mouth cotton; eyes hungry.

don't ask me about my hunger. the way my stomach drops tight when he looks at me. the way my palms twitch for his bones. 

don't ask me about my fear. the way he comes to me.

how i open my mouth to say "yes" and it comes out "i'm sorry."

undercover tragedies...

once upon a time,
we shared a story,
pages unfolding simultaneously as we circled the beginning,
hurtling towards a climax,

and now you're growing older without me,
but i still feel like a frightened child
who can't keep sleep in the dark alone--

some fairy tales are just undercover tradedgies.

i am sorry...

i am sorry. completely and terribly. 
i am sorry for all the times and all the days and all the moments i did not tell you how much you are loved. 
i am sorry that you ache and that you bleed and that made you crumble so much that sometimes, it feels as if you are going to disintegrate a million, hopeless pieces.
i am sorry that it hurts much more when i have forgotten, truly forgotten, to tell you much much i was and am now, mad for even your pieces and i'm sorry if you never felt me when i laid awake through the night watching you sleep trying to think of a way to thread you back into something whole: only because i know you wanted to feel completed. 

i am sorry for the tide that that blossoms in your eyes when you want nothing more than a calm, blue sea. 
i am sorry for all the times i cannot give that to you and i'm sorry for the times i can not give that to you and i'm sorry for the times you can not give that to me. it does not even matter. 
my love, because you are all and you are everything, 
you are the grace, you are the splendor. 
you are the heaven when i am the hell. 

you are all,
all is you.

i, will marry your pieces.


-Christopher poindexter

her loneliness...

she buried
her ears
into the calm
of his heartbeat,
in a matter of seconds:
fell terribly in love 
with the way
her loneliness fell
softly and suddenly,
asleep,
in his chest.

-christopher poindexter

best vows ever...

this guy was on point with his vows. 
i am totally in love with them. 
i can only hope that whenever i get married....my husbands vows would be like that. 
im not traditional....so i would love something like that.....
just sayin. lol.
and no this is not a hint either...

but his said:
i will kill the spiders. i will share my fries with you when you’ve finished all yours and are still hungry. i won’t ever pop my collar. i will never be rude to your tummy- when i hear it growl and gurgle, i promise to bend down and reply respectfully. i will eat the mushrooms when we order the supreme pizza. i will kiss the papercuts. and the door-slammed finger. and the counter-bumped hip. i’ll try my hardest not to get annoyed when you whisper questions and comments during movies. i will be the big spoon. i will let you win at wrestling. sometimes. other times i will not. i will go faster. harder. i will pull when you want. and tease you when you don’t. i will send you random texts and leave you silly gifts. not always. not on schedule. just whenever i want to. whenever i think you need one. or seven. i will check your tire pressure. and remind you to take your car in. i will hold your hand. i will love you. i will love you. i will love you.

made of glass...

you warned me we're all made of glass,
that our lives are far to thin,
so why did i not believe you,
'til it was your shards in my skin,
now these scars upon my fingers,
run too deep just to forget,
despite the wilted roses,
from the first time that we met,
and i don't know why i told you,
i was good at letting go,
for all i do now's watch dead flowers,
and pray somehow they will grow. 


-e.h.

true romance...

i think a lot of people don't understand 
what real romance is. anyone can buy
flowers, candy and jewelry, there's no love
in that. the truly romantic things in life are
those little things that you do everyday to show
you care, and that you're thinking of them.
it's going out of your way to make them
happy. the way you hold her hand when
you know she's scared, or you save the last
piece of cake for him. the random text in 
the middle of the day, just to say, "i love
you" or "i miss you". the way he stops to
kiss you when he passes by. it's dedicating 
her favorite songs to her, and letting her eat
your fries; telling her she's beautiful, even 
when she's in her sweats; with her hair in a 
ponytail and no makeup. it's putting your
favorite show on pause so she call tell you
about her day, and laughing at his jokes 
even the really lame ones. it's slow dancing
in the kitchen and kissing in the rain.
romance isn't about all the buying, it's about
giving. 
true romance is in the gestures.

come now...

come now to me
and i will shake the silence off your skin
like dust that fell asleep
after too long a nap
in the attic of us.
come now to me
and i,
humble knelt before you,
will worship the way
all that dust,
all that quiet,
plays in the light beams
that filter in
through the curtains.
our last silence
shared between us
in the awe of the way
our absence can dance.


-tyler knott gregson

it is art...

think of all the words you
have not read;
now multiply and
those are the words for you I've bled.

think of all the thoughts you
have yet to had;
for twice as many thoughts of 
you drive me mad.

now listen closely to your 
wishful heart;
for this very sound to me is art.


-Julie martinez

one thing...

there will
always be

that one place,

on song,

on phrase

that will remind me of you
and all that
we could 
have had.

but i'm happy...

my body sometimes feels
sore, but it works.
i don't sleep well most
nights, but i do wake up
to fight another day.
my wallet is not full
but my stomach is.
i don't have all the 
things i ever wanted
but i do have everything 
i will ever need.
i'm thankful because 
although my life is by 
no means perfect,
it's my life
and i'm happy.

i wish i wrote the way i thought...

i wish i wrote the way i
thought;
obsessively,
incessantly,
with maddening hunger.
i'd write to the point of
suffocation.
i'd write myself into 
nervous breakdowns,
manuscripts spiralling out 
like tentacles into abysmal
nothing.
and i'd write about you 
a lot more
than i should.


-benedict smith

being close...

at the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we 
really want is to be close to somebody. so this this thing
where we all keep our distance and pretend not to
care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. so we 
pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and 
once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close
by. no matter how much we hurt them. the people 
that are still with you at the end of the day, those are 
the ones worth keeping. and sure, sometimes close can
be too close. but sometimes, that invasion of personal
space, it can be exactly what you need. 

i miss you my friend...

if i knew we'd end up apart
i'd go back and change the start.
i miss you friend.
i thought our laughs would never end.
i miss you friend.

good and bad you had my back
trust wasn't something we didn't lack.
i miss you friend.
i thought our adventures would never end.
i miss you friend.

then one day like a bad spell,
everything good was lost but why i can't
tell.
i miss you friend.
now things are too broken to mend,
and now i have to admit that this is the end.
but oh,
how i miss you my friend. 

still i rise...

you may write me down in history
with your bitter, twisted lies,
you may trod me in the very dirt
but still, like dust, i'll rise.

does my sassiness upset you?
why are you beset with gloom?
'cause i walk like i've got oil wells
pumping in my living room.

just like moons and like suns,
with the certainty of tides,
just like hopes springing high,
still i'll rise.

did you want to see me broken?
bowed head and lowered eyes? 
shoulders falling down like teardrops.
weakened by my soulful cries.

does my haughtiness offend you?
don't you take it awful hard
'cause i laugh like i've got gold mines
diggin' in my own back yard.

you may shoot me with your words,
you may cut me with your eyes,
you may kill me with your hatefulness,
but still, like air, i'll rise.

does my sexiness upset you?
does it come as a suprise
that i dance like i've got diamonds
at the meeting of my thighs?

out of the huts of history's shame
i rise
up from a past that's rooted in pain
i rise.
i'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
welling and swelling i bear in the tide.
leaving behind nights of terror and fear
i rise
bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
i am the dream and the hope of a slave.

i rise
i rise
i rise

ranting...

many times we think someone is ranting,
but they're actually speaking
with conviction, and everyone has just
forgotten the sound of real passion.
we're so afraid of absolutes and a strong
gut and digging your heels that we dismiss 
the powerful voice of a lonely
fighter. listen for the quiet strength, for
humble confidence. it's not often someone will 
stand for what is right, what is true, what
is pure. more often we're afraid to admit
we're afraid to admit we're afraid,
because the truth is so blinding in a dark world.

type of person...

i was the type of person,
that held onto things too tight,
unable to release my grip,
when it no longer felt right,
and although it gave me blisters,
and my fingers would all ache,
i always thought that holding on,
was worth the pain it takes,
i used to think in losing things,
i'd lose a part of me too,
that slowly i'd become someone,
my heart no longer knew,
then one day something happened,
i dropped what i had once held dear,
but my soul became much lighter,
instead of filled with fear,
and it taught my heart that some things,
aren't meant to last for long,
they arrive to teach you lessons,
and then continue on,
you don't have to cling to people,
who no longer make you smile,
or do something you've come to hate,
if it isn't worth your while,
that sometimes the things you're fighting for,
isn't worth the cost,
and not everything you ever lose,
is bound to be a loss.

you...

i think i 
might have
inhaled you

i can feel you
behind my
eyes

you've gotten
into my 
bloodstream

i can feel you
flowing in me.

ketchup...

heal...

this is how we heal.
i will kiss you like forgiveness. you
will hold me like i'm hope. our arms
will bandage and we will press
promises 
between us like flowers in a book.
i will write sonnets to the salt of sweat
on your skin. i will write novels to the
scar 
of your nose. i will write a dictionary
of all the words ii have used trying
to describe the way it feels to have
finally, finally found you.

and i will not be afraid
of your scars.

beautiful distance...

they spent the night looking
up at the sky

"why are the stars so far away,
when they're so beautiful?"
she asked

he told her that 
"beautiful things,
no matter the distance,
can be felt."

constellation...

there are millions and millions 
of tiny stars in the open night sky.
but there's always that one star that
shines brighter than the others,
and you to me,
you are that star.

there are times when i feel like i'm losing you
and i see you glide even further
to hide behind the stars,
but i don't worry.

i have the constellation's mapped out on my heart.

demon...

what if a demon were to creep after
you one night, in your loneliest 
loneliness, and say, this life which
you live must be lived by you once 
again and innumerable times more;
and every pain and joy and thought
and sigh must come again to you, all 
in the same sequence. the eternal
hourglass will again and again be
turned and you with it, dust of the 
dust! would you throw yourself
down and gnash your teeth and
curse that demon? or would you 
answer, never have i heard anything 
more devine?

her reason...

you are the reason
she will write.
she will write of the stars
she sees in your eyes
that no one else does
and she will swallow her pride
to tell you how much
she is in love with your smile.
you consume all the sanity
she has left
and all you leave her with
is what's left over of a hollow heart
and numbed eyes
and unfixable broken parts;
but even then,
she will make that into art.

sleep memories...

i hate that thing that happens right
before you sleep.

every mistake you've ever made, every
word you wish you never said, every
moment that made you cry rushes
through your head.

and all you can do about it is cringe and
pretend it all never happened.

pieces...

our lives are one big puzzle,
we don't know how many pieces we've got,
there are people that fit in quite nicely,
and people who try but do not,
we're constantly adding more pieces,
all the memories of things we've been through,
we add laughter and tears and adventure,
and the lessons we've learnt to be true,
everyone has their own puzzle,
there will be ones where you do not fit,
don't you dare ever make your piece smaller,
just so you can live there for a bit,
if you keep cutting all of your edges,
one day you wont recognize what you see,
and you'll forget the person you once were, 
before the world told you who you should be,
make the most of each piece you once were,
before the world told you who you should be,
make the most of each piece in your puzzle,
it'll be a grand masterpiece when it's done,
so you won't have to look back when it's over,
and realize you've left out the sun.


-eh