validate...

i have come to learn 
that men need to feel
needed,
as though the 
hunter gatherer bloodline
did not die with their 
ancestors long ago.

but the blood singing through
my veins echo the gutteral war-cries
of the ancestral women who
aided in my creation,

the warrior goddesses who
longed for the hunt and
enjoyed the companionship
of men at times,
but who never needed a man to validate their existence.

worry...

worry made a beast out of me
and it kept the truth trapped
within the gaps between my teeth

i carved cavities underneath
i hollowed out my own home
within the cliches and hollow bones

where i lived and died by the words
slipping through my bloody fangs

worry rots all my teeth away
i ground them down to the gums
to keep my feelings all at bay

i dreamt dreams of white capped waves
rinsing my mouth and breaking the enamel
i am yours to use, break, and dismantle

i live and die by the words
slipping through my salty grin.

destructive...

why must i always see the good in
destructive men?
the devil himself could walk up
to me and i would instantly admire
the way the flames in his eyes
melt my vodka tonic.

one more day...

if i could have one more day with you
i'm not quite sure what i would do.
the only thing for certain though
is one day will not be enough.
it's not enough to say all the goodbyes
that i had no time to say
and it's not enough to do all the things
we'd said we'd do one day.
one day won't be enough,
because i want you back.
i need to hear you laugh again
and all the jokes you crack.
i need to tell you that i'm not mad at you
and i need you to say it too.
i need you to make things normal again
to make all the mourning end.
and i need your opinion on everything
because you were my first best friend.
i know that you're in heaven now,
and they say you smile down.
but i need you to stand beside me
and not to let me drown.


-m. segreto

swine...

when he makes his demands
all i can think
is how sad i am for him.

had he been raised by a queen,
he would have learned
to worship the ground
a good and faithful woman
walks on
because women like that
are hard to come by.

unfortunately for him,
it seems he was raised
among the peasants
and the swine.

forged...

don't touch girls forged from fire
because she's got empires burning
in her veins

and cities have fallen for less
and kingdoms have fallen for more
and for her, you would tear down
mount olympus itself

a boy will break the world in half
for the love of a pretty girl
time and time again, you will find
history has written sonnets for
the girls behind the might of kings

the gods come crashing down
this is a war you can't win
girls like her are meant for more
than kingdoms crumbled to dust

for a girl of flames, you would 
burn the sky

what will you do when she drowns?

fuel that fucker...

in the name
of the fire inside of you kid,
don't be afraid.

that thing only wants feeding,
and it is your duty
as its host
to fuel that fucking flame.

braille...

what should i say
when i want to kiss
the side of your neck
and leave it at that?
when i want to feel the heat
of my own breath bounce back
and warm my lips after i
strategically place them
on my favorite pieces 
of your skin.
i want to leave goosebumps
everywhere i have not yet
kissed and spend the night
trying to read them 
like braille.

-tyler knott gregson-

i wonder...

i recently came across this:
"i wonder whose arms would i fall into if i were drunk in a room with everyone i have ever loved."
this becomes almost deeper when you think of non-romantic loves as well.
i am not going to include family or the best friend that's not romantic-ish.

of course, there are the romantic loves to think of first:
-the first love ex: the one that at the time, you thought you could not live without? the young and dumb love? the one that if you really think about it, was just practice? in all honesty, i wouldn't even include them. yeah, you still love them, but after all this time...you question if it even qualifies?
-the madly in lust, not love ex- that one shouldn't even qualify to begin with. sure at the time, you swore it was love.....but it never was. you were never in love, but the sex was good kind of thing. if you two had to actually have a conversation and it ended up in a fight....etc.
-the better off as friends ex- oh man. you have a deep bond. a love like no other. you two love each other, but you just can't get along enough to make it work. the fights were brutal. the making up was always nice, but it always went back and forth. the moment you'd try to make it work and put pressure on each other, it always went to hell. yes, the passion involved was like no other, but it's much healthier to just leave it as friends. you put each other through hell, but looking back...it made the bond so much stronger. you admire this person because they are always there, one of the most important people in your life, and you two can make it through anything. you know every inch of this persons soul, and you can look past all the shit you two have been through. 
-the mortal enemy ex- yeah, you love them. probably still have some kind of love, but you would still throw an anchor if they were drowning. fuck them. don't run to them. i'll stop on that one.

now to the much deeper loves:
-the one that got away- where do you even start to explain this one? this is the one with the amazing chemistry. (when i say chemistry, i mean: touching your mind and setting your body on fire kind of chemistry) this person could have been the one you patiently waited for and when you finally got them you were on top of the world. you literally lived for this person and every breath you shared together. any time they touched you, it was like they were writing poetry on your skin. the one that always came in and out of your life, and always kept you guessing. nobody has ever captivated you in this way. no matter how much time had passed. how could one heart stopping soul have so much power over you? the one that you were addicted to like they were drugs. sadly, you would still fight for them...and tomorrow if they even said hi, you'd be walking on air again. this person is the one who will always have a part of you no matter what. that kind of love. the kind you could start fires with what you feel for them.
-the best friend of the opposite gender- probably the most important person you will ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. they are unlike any other. you can talk to this person for hours and never ever get bored. you can tell them anything and they won't judge you and still think the sun shines out of your ass. you have a bond like no other and a deep deep love for one another. you couldn't imagine living this life without this person. "what would you do if i died today? i'd die tomorrow." when you fall to the floor, they will be the person to lay beside you and remind you to breathe. the one who makes your life worth living just because they are simply your other half. they carry stars in their pockets because they know you fear the dark. 
-the unrequited love- nothing haunts us like the things we don't say, in the end. this is the kind of love that rattles the human skull more. endless nights thinking "how could they not feel it? how could they not see the signs? what did i miss? why couldn't i see the signs? why couldn't i have given in? why did i have to realize this too fucking late? why could everyone else see it, but me?" there are no answers, just questions upon questions. unrequited love plagues the mind and shatters the soul. the questions. the scenarios. it always takes something drastic to happen for the love to even be realized and when you do...get ready. the loudest fucking haunting ever. you yearn for the day that you can finally tell them how you feel....but it's too late. maybe in another life. the worst part is knowing they are truly, madly, and deeply in love with you and you are too stubborn to realize that the feeling is mutual. the nostalgia comes in waves and suddenly you are drowning in it all.

-side note: some cases, unrequited love and the best friend could be the same person.-

but after all of that, who would you run to?
what if you didn't know the unrequited love existed?
would you run to the one who got away or the best friend?

gatekeeper...

the opening of a soul is a painful process
it involves the most intense pain
and it's pain that's not offered up
the opening of a soul happens when
someone forces it
when that someone finds the way in
when that someone won't let you escape
them

the opening of a soul is a painful process
but you opened my soul

you are my gatekeeper

-valerie masters-

betwixt and between...

my dark nights emasculate the sacred
as it falls into my teacherly metaphors
erasing the hum between
the pirouettes
of our
flights

muses roll along
the outskirts
of my
other
body

beading wholeness into
my weathered stormed
nirvana-edged
luminosity

morsels of virtue
ascend against the
the sky’s self-canopy
slippery & treacherous

where
i hoist
the poetics
of their beauty …

they … of … Madness … goddesses …

of dark fixtures
drawn from bluish winds
and the periwinkles of their Earth
calling me from the transcendence

of Spirit …

hollowing me
preparing me
for the gravity
of Gaia’s soil …

where graves
await my soul …

for i have spoken to the ancients

they ache
for
the secrets i carry
in this hidden light
flickering in my darkness
wordlessly in the dance of
the intermittent fires within me

and i lie torn
between grace and damnation
between heaven and the earth
between
Flesh & Spirit

and …

through these portals
they stroll like a
marionette
mocking
this
life
of
me …

along their fault lines
quivering ever darkly
betwixt and between
these polarities of
their droning
pathways …

my flesh begins to tear
my spirit begins to evaporate
nothing above, nothing below …

all betwixt & between … below & above ….