choose your battles...

"Choose Your Battles"

   -Katy Perry

You are my hurt locker lover

Keep me walking on a wire

Don't know when you'll blow

So I tiptoe through your triggered mind

You fight me but I'm on your side

Defeated, now retreating

[Pre-chorus:]

Why you tryna make me your enemy

All you really need is a little peace

I just wanna be your lover

Oh, this is not a competition

So baby why the ammunition

I don't wanna be the last one standing

[Chorus:]

Choose your battles, babe

Then you'll win the war

Stop digging your own grave

When there's so much to live for

Choose your battles, babe

'Cause I'm not fighting anymore

I am not fighting anymore

I've tried to pick off your red flags

But dancing on broken glass

Your mind games hit like grenades

We're cursed just like the Kennedys

But you somehow get me on my knees,

Defeated, now retreating

[Pre-chorus]

[Chorus]

If you wanna go, then go

If you wanna stay, then stay

'Cause I don't wanna fight no more, baby

I am not fighting anymore

If you wanna go, then go

If you wanna stay, then stay

I don't wanna fight no more anyway,

I am not fighting anymore

If you wanna go, then go

(choose your battles, babe)

If you wanna stay, then stay

(then you win the war)

'Cause I don't wanna fight no more, baby

(Stop digging your own grave

When there's so much to live for)

Choose your battles, babe

'Cause I'm not fighting anymore

I am not fighting anymore anyway, anyway,

I am not fighting anymore

If you wanna go, then go

If you wanna stay, then stay

'Cause I don't wanna fight no more, baby

i dont give a shit...

i don't give a shit what the world thinks. 
i was born a bitch.
i was born a painter.
i was born fucked.
but i was happy in my way.
you did not understand what i am.
i am love.
i am pleasure.
i am essence.
i am an idiot.
i am an alcoholic.
i am tenacious.
i am;
simply i am.
you are a shit.

want...

i want kisses on my back
i want kisses on my cheeks
i want to wrap my legs around you
i want to sit on your lap and barely kiss you
i want to ditch boring things and make out instead
i want to lie in bed all day, just you and i, just sheets and us
i want to fall in love, just once, just you, forever and ever.

-the one...

just because i don't scream my feelings, doesn't mean i have none.
just because i seem indestructible, doesn't mean im not weak.
just because i don't cry in front of you, doesn't mean im heartless.
just because you think you know me, doesn't mean you actually do.

my shoes...

until you've crawled in the 
darkest 
dirtiest
deepest
corners of my mind
you'll never know
how i really feel.

du siehst, ich will veil...

you see, i want a lot.
maybe i want it all:
the darkness of each endless fall,
the shimmering light of each ascent.

so many are alive who don't seem to care.
casual, easy, they move in the world
as though untouched.

but you take pleasure in the faces
of those who know they thirst.
you cherish those
who grip you for survival.

you are not dead yet, it's not too late
to open your depths by plunging into them
and drink in the life
that reveals itself quietly there.

atticus...

i feel in every girl
there lives a spirit,
a wild pixie,
that if let go,
would run and dance in the grassy fields
until the end of the world.

and when that girl grows up,
that pixie hides,
but it's always there,
peeking out behind old eyes
and reading glasses,
laughing,
waiting,
to one day dance again.

courage...

the real 
things haven't 
changed.
it is still
best to be
honest and 
truthful;
to make
the most
of what
we have;
to be happy
with simple
pleasures;
and have the courage
when things
go wrong.

infected...

i find it quite sad to think,
that there are twenty-six 
letters in the alphabet.
each with their 
own curvatures and
pronunciations, but the
very letters which spell my 
name, haven't passed 
through your mind for much
more than a second, when yours
has spent months in mine.

viscous circle...

when you keep hurting someone,
you do one of three things.
either you fill them up with sadness,
and they destroy themselves.
or you fill them up with justice, 
and they try to destroy everything
that's bad and cruel in this world.

thought i could not be hurt...

i thought that i could not be hurt;
i thought that i must surely be
impervious to suffering-
immune to pain
or agony.

my world was warm with the april sun
my thoughts were spangled green and gold;
my soul filled up with joy, yet
felt the sharp, sweet pain that only joy
can hold.

my spirit soared above the gulls
that, swooping breathlessly so high
o'erhead, now to brush their whir-
ring wings against the blue roof of
the sky.

(how frail the human heart must be-
a throbbing pulse, a trembling thing-
a fragile, shining instrument
of crystal, which can either weep,
or sing.)

then, suddenly my world turned gray,
and darkness wiped aside my joy.
a dull aching void was left
where careless hands had reached out to
destroy.

my silver web of happiness.
the hands then stopped in wonderment,
for, loving me, they wept to see 
the tattered ruins of my firma-
ment.

(how frail the human heart must be-
a mirrored pool of thought. so deep
and tremulous an instrument
of glass that it can either sing,
or weep)

oceanic...

all she wanted
was a place to stretch her bones.
a place to lengthen her smiles
and spread her hair.
a place where her legs could walk
without cutting and bruising.
a place unchained.
she was born out of ocean breath.
i reminded her,
"stop putting so much of yourself
into hearts that have no room 
for
themselves.
do not thin yourself.
be vast.
you do not bring the ocean to a river."

rm drake...

she was fierce,
she was strong,
she wasn't simple.
she was crazy
and sometimes she barely slept.
she had flaws and that was ok.
and when she was down, 
she got right back up.
she was a beast in her own way,
but one idea described her best.
she was unstoppable and
she took anything she wanted
with a smile.

cosmos...

i blushed when i sang to the
universe and the cosmos
and stardust danced around
me telling me that i'm just 
peeling myself apart in search of
something that i've never had

faint scar...

you cannot 
erase the things
you have said to me

because you wrote 
them in dark red pen
all over my skin

and this kind of pen
doesn't wash away
with "im sorry"

it will only wash
away with time
and even then
it will leave a faint scar

i opened your head...

i opened your head
to read your thoughts
i devoured your eyes
to taste your sight
i drank your blood
to know your wants
and made of your shivering body
my nourishment

so comes love...

let it go-
the smashed word broken
open vow or
the oath cracked length
wise-
let it go it
was sworn to 
go

let them go-
the truthful liars and
the false fair friends
and the boths and 
neithers-
you must let them go they
were born 
to go

let all go-
the big small middling
tall bigger really
the biggest and all 
things-
let all go 
dear

so comes love

lonesome island...

my heart's a lonesome island
disaster lines its shipwrecked shore
a fleet of souls that thought they'd found
what they'd been searching for
but your treasure maps were lying
there's nothing gold beneath my sand
don't let the sea convince you
that it's safer on my land
you might be a skillful sailor
with nothing but the purest aim
but i have fought so many pirates
that you all now look the same
so take heed of my lighthouse
even waves may break on my rocks
there's a reason not a single ship
has made it to my docks
and i wish i could offer shelter
from those storm clouds in my sky
because you've not made it ashore
but you should know
neither have i.

tastes like death...

i do not burn bridges,
i bomb them,
leaving nothing left
to stand on,

teardrops so heavy,
they shatter concrete
and my bones creak
in the summer breeze-

sometimes it tastes like freedom,
and sometimes it tastes like death.

words...

false things...

there are so many false things in this world
false people, hopes, words
we're tired of being let down
by things that shouldn't matter
but do anyway
because we are idealists
who wish for things to be true
though truth is the farthest thing we've known
and the hoping never ceases
no matter the disappointments
of the buzzing swarm of lies
that fill our heads with disbelief
we stay cynically hoping for the best
because that's what it means to be a 
dreamer.

i want to live simply...

i want to live simply. i want to sit by the window when it rains and read books i'll never be tested on. i want to paint because i want to, not because i've got something to prove. i want to listen to my body, fall asleep when the moon is high and wake up slowly, with no place to rush off to. i want not to be governed by money or clocks or any of the artificial restraints that humanity imposes on itself. i just want to be, boundless and infinite.

some nights...

some nights you will feel
like there are a thousand galaxies
exploding in every inch of you
and you are burning too bright
to ever be looked at directly,
and some nights you will feel
impossibly small, like your
whole body could slip through
the spaces between the atoms
and never reappear in this world again,
and some nights you will feel 
like a paper doll, carefully crafted
and easily blown away, fragile,
too delicate to ever be touched,
and some nights you will feel
like each cell in your body is 
made of strength that holds
the whole planet together,
and that is okay, because you are
made of stardust and minuscule
atoms and breakable bones
and the building blocks of
everything in the universe,
and you are too alive to never
feel anything more than human.

be patient...

i must ask you to be patient

there are cracks running through my bones
and my throat often seizes up when i try to speak

sometimes i will be distant and avoid
meeting your eye,
sometimes i disappear for days

but if you wait long enough,
you'll be able to catch the
stardust that pours out from between my fingers
because really i am infinite
and there are a myriad of universes within me,

it's just that nobody's taken the time to dust me off before.

give me a man...

give me a man;
strong and sure footed.
his mouth so full of my name
he has no room for lies.
give me a man
with adventure 
in his bones
and fire in his gut.
open hearted and 
just bold enough,
to see through my disguise.

-mia hollow

four...

i

we are hard on each other
and call it honesty,
choosing our jagged truths
with care and aiming them across
the neutral table.

the things we say are
true; it is our crooked
aim, our choices
turn them criminal.

ii

of course your lies
are more amusing:
you make them new each time.

your truths, painful and boring
repeat themselves over & over
perhaps because you own
so few of them.

iii

a truth should exist,
it should not be used
like this. if i loe yo

is that a fact or a weapon?

iv

does the body lie
moving like this, are these
touches, hairs, wet
soft marble my tongue runs over
lies you are telling me?

your body is not a word,
it does not lie
or speak truth either.

it is only
here or not here.

long to be lost...

i am not yours,
not lost in you,
not lost,
although i long to be
lost as a candle lit at noon,
lost as a snowflake in the sea.

you love me,
and i find you still
a spirit beautiful and bright,
yet i am i,
who long to be
lost as a light is lost in light.

oh plunge me deep in love--
put out my senses,
leave me deaf and blind,
swept by the tempest of your love,
a taper in a rushing wind.

save each other...

we all,
are merely 
monsters
if we do not find
the words on our tongues
to save each other. we
must save each other.

for heavens sake,
we must save each other.
for god built an empire
inside us all, and with
a tear leaving his
eye: he called it love.

wilderness...

i am troubled
immeasurably
by your eyes

i am struck
by the feather
of your soft
reply

the sound of glass
speaks quick
disdain

and conceals
what your eyes fight
to explain

authentic self...

every now and again, 
you will feel a dull ache
in your soul. 
a gentle humming around your
heart.
a longing for something
without a name.

if i ever told you to obey anything,
this would be it.

listen to the call of your authentic self.
that part of you that lives just
outside of your own skin.
let it have its way with you.

i have died a hundred times
trying to ignore it.

locked out...

i tried to forget you.
i locked you out of me
thoughts but you seem to 
carry a spare key. i've
tried erasing your voice
but every songbird sounds
like it must've took 
lessons from you. every
dust swirl and cloud puff
paints portraits of your 
face. every still stream
knits quilts of your 
reflection on its watery
skin.

you were the sun and i
had been staring too
long, because every time
i blink
you are still all i see.

evidence...

i want to write something
so simply
about love
or about pain
that even
as you are reading
you feel it 
and as you read
you keep feeling it
and though it might be my story
it will be common,
though it be singular
it will be known to you
so that by the end
you will think-
no, you will realize-
that it was all the while
yourself arranging the words,
that it was all the time
words that you yourself.
out of your heart had been saying.




-mary oliver

soul mates purpose...

people think a soul mate
is your perfect fit, and hat's
what everyone wants.
but a true soul mate is a 
mirror; the person who
shows you everything
that is holding you back;

a soul mate's purpose is
to shake you up, tear apart
your ego a little bit, show
you your obstacles and 
addictions, break your
heart open so new
light can get in.

re-write...

i want a new start,
to leave all the bad memories
and people who have done
me bad behind,

i want to travel,
see new places, different art
different music touching
hearts,

i want to meet new people
who will show me what
it is to love and be loved
in return,

i want to leave it all 
behind, to erase my book
back to the very cover, and
re-write my story as i please.

my love for you...

you are like the book i will never
put down. i can't stop reading
about you. finding out who you
are deep down. a book full of
emotion and wonder. countless
adventures and experiences
waiting to be discovered. a
thousand endings to ponder as
the story unravels. with the best 
part of being that the story of you
has become a story of us, of how
much you have become a part of 
me, as we eventually become
one. and even though our story 
will someday come to an end, the
memories and fond feelings
we've experienced throughout
our lives will echo in eternity.
never fading away.
never changing.
like my love for you.

release me...

hold me down.
i can't seem to stay still,
as i've been far too anxious
for you to finally meet me.

slow down,
and take your time.
i've been waiting far too long
for this to go by so quickly.

breathe me in
and please don't exhale.
i've been lingering far too long
for you to release me.

let me...

i wanna be
wrapped in your arms
skin against skin
hands intertwined

let me
fall asleep
to the sound
of your heartbeat.


-elp

wolf...

my heart 
is a wolf
ruled by 
two moons;

one which
beckons me
back into
the night,

the other 
is calling 
me home.

lady rule #500...

you are not here just to fill
space or to be a background
character in someone else's 
movie. nothing would be the 
same if you did not exist.
every place you have ever 
been and every person you
have ever spoken to would
be different without you. we
are all connected and we are
all affected by the decisions
and existence of those
around us. 
never forget this.

drzewiecki...

my darling, you can't see it,
can you? how like the moon
you are. both of you so timid
in yourselves; hiding pieces
from the world. then, there
are those rare moment when
you both are full, and it 
becomes hard to look away.
you are beautiful.

-alexandria drzewiecki

narcissist...

his purpose for creating a love relationship is for two reasons.

firstly to secure narcissistic supply (attention), and secondly to have an outlet to project his internal pain and torture onto.

relationship partners who are hooked and 'hang on' make the perfect subjects to abuse.

a list of maybes...

i. Turn off the lights, maybe tomorrow won’t come if our eyes
don’t remember how to see. The first thing on my list to
forget is how home felt like you.

ii. Put your hands over your ears, maybe the world will stop screaming
when you refuse to listen. Tell me how to cry and still
make people think I’m okay.

iii. Quit eating bad bread, maybe yesterday won’t taste like stale goodbyes
if we don’t eat passed the expiration date. I’m not sure how to clean
without unintentionally attempting to wash the sin off of me too.

i want you...

I want seriousness. I want a ride or die relationship, a full on 100% intense passionate kind of love. No secrets, just openness and honesty. I want heat and flames. I want us to be a pair and to take on the whole world together, just me and you. A fuck everybody else relationship. None of this casual 50/50 keep your options open I’m not sure not fully committed secretive shit. I want that shout it to the world and tell everybody about it kind of love. That you can’t stop thinking about eachother shit. That wake up at four in the morning and send you a text because you were on my mind. That annoying drunk text relationship any time one of us goes out. That rant and rave shit. Not the annoying shallow all over Facebook and Instagram couple pictures though - that real out there doing things having fun enjoying eachothers company tell your friends all about it shit. 
I want to wake up and say goodbye to you. I want to go to work and think about you all day then come back home to you and do whatever, have dinner, go see a film, have a drink and fall into bed a clumsy fumbling mess together and have amazing sex. 
I want weekends spend together. Some just lying in bed from Friday night until Monday morning. Others just spontaneously going somewhere, anywhere, just something different. 
I want our first house together. And our second and however many more. I want the fridge covered in stupid magnets of places we have been together. I want redecorating and colour coordinating and patterns and fabrics and work tops and tiles and DIY and mess and paint on your face and on the brand new carpet we just got. 
I want a little pet, probably a black pug. I want toilet training and annoying barking and him jumping in bed with us and us competing for his attention and arguing over who he loves more and taking him for walks and not wanting to take him for walks but still doing it and going for a trip to the beach with him. 
I want holidays together in far away lands with different cultures and interesting people and mix ups and confusion and amazing views and luxury and surpassing our expectations and crazy let downs and dissapointments and things not going to plan. Incredible stories of all sorts that one day we can sit down old and fraile next to eachother and laugh about all the places out weakened legs and bodies have taken is and all the things our blurring eyes have witnessed.

cravings of you...

I have craved your presence for as long as I can remember.
I crave every single thing that no one knows about you.
I crave your most inner and cherished thoughts,
The thoughts you have at 4am when most of the world is dead silent quiet and you’re up all alone craving arms.
Arms that grasp you so gentle that your soul giggles 
I crave your mind and all it’s greatness and madness from your uniqueness to your sadness
And all the ideas you keep locked away about making the world a better place
I crave your hugs
And how loudly they scream I need you to my very existence
I crave your existence 
And all the particles and pieces of star dust God put together to create your very being
I crave the warmth of your inner thighs
And how they feel like 2 pillows that one of God’s very own angels stitched together himself
I crave your insanity 
From your fuck you’s to your baby I’m so sorry I love you’s
I crave you from the inside out
Then back in again
From the beauty of your soul
To the beauty of your skin
I crave your spirit and it’s ability to disperse positive energy
You could change the spirit of an evil man
I crave the fire deep down in your soul that erupts like an enraged volcano when you’re angry at the universe
I crave your imperfections
From your fuck ups to your flaws 
I love everything single thing about you
I crave it all.

had to be you...

It had to be you, okay? It had to be you. Don’t ask me why. I don’t have the answers, only the questions. All I know is that nobody will ever be enough to kiss me right and touch me in places I keep hidden from the light. It was you who had to take away my innocence because in the first place you never had it. We both never had it. We share this lust for lust and we crave familiarity and strangeness at the same time. This is who we are; two lonely bodies looking for another set of bodies to make us more. More alive perhaps? More loved? More enough? I don’t know. But yes we found it. Alas, your body is mine and mine is yours and yours alone. When we’re together more becomes too much and too much is suffocating and drowning and fatal. So we had to unclasped our hands. I need to let go of your arms on my hips, your black look and inky hair. We need this. We need this. We need this because too much of us make us less of ourselves. But still, it had to be you. Darling, I am glad it was you.

beauty's curse...

her bow is drawn
to worlds of dark;
where arrows spring
and miss their mark.

she'll turn their heads
but not their hearts.


-lang-leav

loyalties...

where do my loyalties lie?
i buried them in your chest
with my confessions,
wound them tight around
your spine with fishing line.
i covered the walls of
your veins and arteries
in unsung harmonies
and ink punched your skin

so on nights when you
pull inward and begin to
pick yourself apart
like you're looking 
for a set of lost keys,

all you'll find is me.

carnation...

Piss in my garden and I will teach you what it means to rip out your roots and douse you in plant killer. I am a goddamn carnation and I will last longer than you ever would.

toxic...

bit of truth...

"break my heart? is that what you think you did? i
have news for you; you didn't break my heart.
my heart's just fine. my heart's in the best shape
of its life. but you know what you did to me?
you took an ak-47 and blew up my soul."

-tiffanie debartolo

fate...

fate made it all
did you know?
it made us collide
fire to ashes
water to smoke

with the strength of a tsunami
right after a storm
we fell for each other
just a little bit
of a little too much
but not for long enough.

video games...

Swinging in the backyard
Pull up in your fast car
Whistling my name

Open up a beer
And you say, "Get over here
And play a video game."

I'm in his favorite sun dress
Watching me get undressed
Take that body downtown

I say, "You the bestest."
Lean in for a big kiss
Put his favorite perfume on

Go play a video game

It's you, it's you, it's all for you
Everything I do
I tell you all the time
Heaven is a place on earth with you
Tell me all the things you wanna do
I heard that you like the bad girls
Honey, is that true?
It's better than I ever even knew
They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
Baby, now you do

Singing in the old bars
Swinging with the old stars
Living for the fame

Kissing in the blue dark
Playing pool and wild darts
Video games

He holds me in his big arms
Drunk and I am seeing stars
This is all I think of

Watching all our friends fall
In and out of Old Paul's
This is my idea of fun
Playing video games

It's you, it's you, it's all for you
Everything I do
I tell you all the time
Heaven is a place on earth with you
Tell me all the things you wanna do
I heard that you like the bad girls
Honey, is that true?
It's better than I ever even knew
They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
Baby, now you do

Now you do
Now you do
Now you do

Now, now you do
Now you do
Now you do

It's you, it's you, it's all for you
Everything I do
I tell you all the time
Heaven is a place on earth with you
Tell me all the things you wanna do
I heard that you like the bad girls
Honey, is that true?
It's better than I ever even knew
They say that the world was built for two
Only worth living if somebody is loving you
Baby, now you do

Now you do
Now you do
Now you do
(Now you do)
Now you do
Now you do
Now you do

must do this...

neither angel nor demon...

“

I would never recommend
falling in love 
with someone like me.
I am reckless and dangerous
and within my eyes
are the souls of a million
charred trees who have died.
Or at least, that’s what I’ve heard.
My voice holds allure
And I’ll enchant you at first
Then I’ll lay out your failures
As the words flit out my lips.
My smiles are laced
with my own form of arsenic
that will seep in your bones
and keep you choking my name
as I shatter your heart.

I am no angel
Though my looks may entice
I carry dark secrets
And my wings are not white
I am mayhem contained
in a 5’3 girl’s body.
You will pour in your love
And I will spit it back out
Because adoration is poisonous
To a monster like me. 
Don’t ask for my love
Don’t ask for my kisses
I’ve broken too many hearts
To be anyone’s mistress.

”