"I can’t tell you how many times
I’ve typed your name in, like a stalker
or a lovelorn teenager
and I’m not sure which is worse
and I can’t tell you how much
the silence hurts, how much I miss you
and how I wish I could go back
to yesterday and change everything
and how you haunt me- you say I’m
the ‘beautiful ghost’ but you’re the presence
in my life that won’t leave no matter
how long it is since I’ve seen you, I’m
tainted by the memories yet
I wouldn’t go back on them
because they make me who I am and
they’ve changed me irrevocably and
love and loss are lessons in life that
everyone learns and I guess I learned
too young and it hurt too much
and I couldn’t cope and I imploded
and it still aches, even now
and I’m still bleeding silently, pained eyes dry
because enough tears have been shed
for a lifetime and yet it still wounds me like a knife
in the gut and I alternately love you and hate you
all at once and the intensity of my emotion thrills me
and shocks me and terrifies me because
I’D DO ANYTHING
but the tragedy is that nothing is enough"
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