kiss her and tell her she tastes like stardust,
and watch her shake her head
and tell you that she carries graveyards in her collarbones.
hear her when she tells you her kisses taste like dead dreams
and wilted flowers and too much blood from biting her lips
and your metaphors will never force anything beautiful to grow out of her skin.
kiss her again, anyway,
and tell her that the universe never needed pretty words from the mouth of a young boy to become
something magnificent.
it already was.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Thursday, January 29, 2015
ten things...
I hate the way you talk to me
And the way you cut your hair
I hate the way you drive my car
I hate it when you stare
I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind
I hate you so much that it makes me sick
It even makes me rhyme
I hate the way you're always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh
Even worse when you make me cry
I hate the way you're not around
And the fact that you didn't call
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all
And the way you cut your hair
I hate the way you drive my car
I hate it when you stare
I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind
I hate you so much that it makes me sick
It even makes me rhyme
I hate the way you're always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh
Even worse when you make me cry
I hate the way you're not around
And the fact that you didn't call
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all
Monday, January 26, 2015
feed the flame...
The phrase “I love you” tastes like poison in my mouth.
It’s okay, because I’ll never have to say it to you.
You’ll never say it to me.
I’d rather leave scratch marks on your back than an imprint on your heart.
My taste in your beard versus my sentiments in your stomach.
You’ll never say it to me.
I’d rather leave scratch marks on your back than an imprint on your heart.
My taste in your beard versus my sentiments in your stomach.
Is that so wrong? Am I such a monster?
When you told me I was intimidating, I threw my head back in laughter.
I’m not making a home in you, just staying for a little while.
The rent is pretty cheap, if I’m being honest. And I’m always being honest.
When you told me I was intimidating, I threw my head back in laughter.
I’m not making a home in you, just staying for a little while.
The rent is pretty cheap, if I’m being honest. And I’m always being honest.
I want you to break me into a million pieces, but you refuse.
Why won’t you fuck me and forget me?
Why do you have to cradle me like a lost puppy?
I’m a goddamn fire blazing through your life and you’re neither feeding the flames
Nor putting me out. This won’t end well.
Why won’t you fuck me and forget me?
Why do you have to cradle me like a lost puppy?
I’m a goddamn fire blazing through your life and you’re neither feeding the flames
Nor putting me out. This won’t end well.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
twelve aye emm...
12AM
and her mind wanders.
she tends to think about
something that happened
5 years ago, or something
that happened 2 hours ago,
or something that could
happen 10 years from now.
her mind is like a hurricane,
it's a wreck.
it's full of beautiful yet
awful thoughts.
it's 1AM and her mind
continues to wander.
and her mind wanders.
she tends to think about
something that happened
5 years ago, or something
that happened 2 hours ago,
or something that could
happen 10 years from now.
her mind is like a hurricane,
it's a wreck.
it's full of beautiful yet
awful thoughts.
it's 1AM and her mind
continues to wander.
Monday, January 19, 2015
drugs...
we make drugs out of people
they will course through your veins
make your heart race uncontrollably
and elicit feelings of euphoria
you need more
and more
and more
we make drugs out of people
and become addicted
so much so, that without them you pace
nervously touch your face
let horrifying thoughts creep into your brain
don't make drugs out of people
because when they leave
you cant crumple bills in your trembling hand
and casually purchase that same happiness
from a stranger on a bench
or an alley
or a corner
$10, $20, $30, i'll pay ya back?
don't make drugs out of people
because when they leave, they're gone for good
you can;t name your price
only wish that you could
they're just gone for good.
how i do it...
i've been asked a lot, "how are you good at--"
i don't try to answer anymore.
just smile. a long time ago, i would have scowled,
i would have given them a full lecture
on the truth of all my years, but
all the flight's been pried out of my jaws
and put into others to examine
and laugh at when i'm not around.
when you're a kid, stuff doesn't matter. nothing like
how well you can draw or how fast you can run
or how many math problems you can do in ten minutes matters.
and it's great. and you want to grow up, but you never knew
that growing up would tear the life out of you,
until you were numbers, rising and falling with the days.
to tell the truth, the reason i'm good at what i do
is because i paid the price of empty hours and
terrible science fiction novels and making mistakes
and that bliss that is not mattering.
i offered up my life to time and watched it
consume my hollow bones and fill the spaces
with what i paid for. and it wasn't worth it.
so don't let them take you before
you've had all the summers you've always wanted to have.
hold on to your space for mistakes for a few moments,
savor it before it's time to let go.
let me tell you. i gave away my real smile
and the promise of wandering wild places
for expectations i never wanted to meet,
bars i don't want to jump,
to give away pieces of me that i wanted to keep.
i don't try to answer anymore.
just smile. a long time ago, i would have scowled,
i would have given them a full lecture
on the truth of all my years, but
all the flight's been pried out of my jaws
and put into others to examine
and laugh at when i'm not around.
when you're a kid, stuff doesn't matter. nothing like
how well you can draw or how fast you can run
or how many math problems you can do in ten minutes matters.
and it's great. and you want to grow up, but you never knew
that growing up would tear the life out of you,
until you were numbers, rising and falling with the days.
to tell the truth, the reason i'm good at what i do
is because i paid the price of empty hours and
terrible science fiction novels and making mistakes
and that bliss that is not mattering.
i offered up my life to time and watched it
consume my hollow bones and fill the spaces
with what i paid for. and it wasn't worth it.
so don't let them take you before
you've had all the summers you've always wanted to have.
hold on to your space for mistakes for a few moments,
savor it before it's time to let go.
let me tell you. i gave away my real smile
and the promise of wandering wild places
for expectations i never wanted to meet,
bars i don't want to jump,
to give away pieces of me that i wanted to keep.
survived...
as you can see, i survived without you
even though sometimes, i break my hands because
even if i’ve made it without you, i still write about you all the time
even though sometimes, my eyes start to well up with tears when i remember the way you tilt your head-
when i remember the way you fumbled over three words
even though sometimes, my heart needs a mallet to the chest and
even when i lose my breath, i catch it at the thought of your hands around my neck
i am a masochist in the most innocent kind of way
i am making it without you
even though sometimes, when i can’t find the courage to put on a smile,
i shatter my ears with deafening music
in the hopes that it might push the thought of your eyes out of my tortured mind
i can make it without you
even though sometimes, my fingers they tremble, they shake
and i find myself rocking back and forth or pacing, pacing, pacing and counting-
all the cards that i placed in your hands-
when i was at your mercy
you crushed my love like the pulpy mass that it was
i thought my love for you was endless and i was damn right
but yours wasn’t
and that’s why i’m trying to make it without you
even though sometimes, i feel like i can’t.
even though sometimes, i break my hands because
even if i’ve made it without you, i still write about you all the time
even though sometimes, my eyes start to well up with tears when i remember the way you tilt your head-
when i remember the way you fumbled over three words
even though sometimes, my heart needs a mallet to the chest and
even when i lose my breath, i catch it at the thought of your hands around my neck
i am a masochist in the most innocent kind of way
i am making it without you
even though sometimes, when i can’t find the courage to put on a smile,
i shatter my ears with deafening music
in the hopes that it might push the thought of your eyes out of my tortured mind
i can make it without you
even though sometimes, my fingers they tremble, they shake
and i find myself rocking back and forth or pacing, pacing, pacing and counting-
all the cards that i placed in your hands-
when i was at your mercy
you crushed my love like the pulpy mass that it was
i thought my love for you was endless and i was damn right
but yours wasn’t
and that’s why i’m trying to make it without you
even though sometimes, i feel like i can’t.
rage...
i spend all day thinking of ways to cope with damage i create. i spend all night sipping gasoline with my right hand while tracking matches with my left. right now. you are the breeze that wicks sweat echoes from my skin and extinguished the spark. when your voice no longer echoes off my own bedroom walls, i'm not sure anything will be able to quell my rage quite the way you do...
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Saturday, January 10, 2015
storm...
late night and rain wakes me, a downpour,
wind thrashing in the leaves, huge
ears, huge feathers,
like some chased animal, a giant
dog or wild boar. thundering and shivering
windows; from the tin roof
the rush of water.
i lie askew under the net,
tangled up in damp cloth, salt in my hair.
when this clears there will be fireflies
and stars, brighter than anywhere,
which i could contemplate at times
of panic. light years, think of it.
screw poetry, it's you i want,
your taste, rain
on you, mouth on your skin.
wind thrashing in the leaves, huge
ears, huge feathers,
like some chased animal, a giant
dog or wild boar. thundering and shivering
windows; from the tin roof
the rush of water.
i lie askew under the net,
tangled up in damp cloth, salt in my hair.
when this clears there will be fireflies
and stars, brighter than anywhere,
which i could contemplate at times
of panic. light years, think of it.
screw poetry, it's you i want,
your taste, rain
on you, mouth on your skin.
friends...
you could see it in their eyes;
they weren't quite friends anymore.
the way she smiled for him?
friends don't smile like that.
the way he puts his hand on her back?
friends don't touch each other like that.
the way her face lit up when he spoke?
friends don't look at each other like that.
the way his voice changed when he said her name?
friends don't talk like that.
anyone could see it, clear as day.
they weren't quite friends anymore;
they'd grown into something even greater.
they weren't quite friends anymore.
the way she smiled for him?
friends don't smile like that.
the way he puts his hand on her back?
friends don't touch each other like that.
the way her face lit up when he spoke?
friends don't look at each other like that.
the way his voice changed when he said her name?
friends don't talk like that.
anyone could see it, clear as day.
they weren't quite friends anymore;
they'd grown into something even greater.
ignore...
If you ignore me, I wont wait around. I wont bug you, I just wont talk to you. Simple as that. Sure its going to be hard. Its going to hurt. But it wont hurt as much as being ignored, because I deserve better than that. Ill move on and find someone who actually cared about me, since obviously you dont. If you continually treat me like crap, what reason do I have to stay?
the scary thing is...
it's the scariest thing ever to realize how much someone means to you. when it hits you, i mean really hits you, all these thoughts and questions rush through your head at once. a sad emotion even starts to creep on you slowly inch by inch as you start to wonder. what if for some reason things don't work out? how are you possibly going to live without them?
someone that was once a stranger now is the only person you know like the back of your hand. someone you once had no emotions for, now has the power to break your heart. someone you used to never hang out with, now owns most of your time. someone you never thought you'd love, now owns your entire heart. someone you once lived without, you now wish to hold on to forever.
someone that was once a stranger now is the only person you know like the back of your hand. someone you once had no emotions for, now has the power to break your heart. someone you used to never hang out with, now owns most of your time. someone you never thought you'd love, now owns your entire heart. someone you once lived without, you now wish to hold on to forever.
toronni...
lately i've been searching for the words to explain to you how inexplicably perfect you are. in all your imperfection.
yes, you.
such is the trouble with words
& maybe
i don't always have the right ones
& maybe
i say too little or too much.
but tonight the fire inside me is brighter than it ever been. tonight i realized what i've been trying to say is this:
the world is a better place
simply because you exist.
yes, you.
such is the trouble with words
& maybe
i don't always have the right ones
& maybe
i say too little or too much.
but tonight the fire inside me is brighter than it ever been. tonight i realized what i've been trying to say is this:
the world is a better place
simply because you exist.
Thursday, January 8, 2015
ugh...
okay, so i have another rant.
one of my best friends, well his other best friend just so happen to have tension between the two. fuck it, ill just say his two best friends are my ex and i.
and there was something said that i just need to vent about.
lets call the best friend harry and the ex voldemort for this post.
well voldemort just so happened to randomly ask harry how i was doing, and how my father was doing. my issue, if voldemort wanted to check...he can ask me himself. i'm sure he wouldn't like the response, but point made. and how my dad is doing has NOTHING to do with him. i don't want him knowing shit about that. where was he when i first found out that my father had cancer and i was breaking down? the moment i needed voldemort the most, he was NEVER there. he has no right.
and as far as i am concerned with how i am doing....i am doing just fucking fine. now that he is gone....my life couldn't get any better, excluding the father cancer thing. i no longer have to stress over anything he had me stressing over before.
he was not the knight in shining armor, he was just one of the losers wrapped in tin foil that shows up before the real deal comes along.
and last thing.....
i was on the phone with harry and voldemort had the audacity to ask in the background why i am so hateful towards him.
uh, did he forget about the fact that he is a narcissistic asshole who cheated, then made me the villain.
honey, i'm not the villain....i'm the victim. and my retaliation could have been a lot worse.
i don't just burn bridges, i blow them the fuck up. plus, i always said from the first time you met me, that i am not one to be fucked with, and if my bitch switch gets flipped, it will cause you to hate me. believe me now honey?
i'm sure it hurt that nice little ego that you were outsmarted and caught, for once. yeah, you're welcome.
you're the one who cheated and got caught in public. even tho that wasn't the first time you had cheated on me, but i made sure it was the last. and you being caught should have happened a lot sooner, but it is what needed to happen to finally let me see the real you.
so yeah, i'm hateful because i can be, that's why. i hold grudges, for quite some time.
its not my fault that you cant stay faithful and are a pathological liar. you know, after all this i have someone to compare you to.....my mother. yep, that's it.
ps: i have caught myself wishing that you'd get a hand job from edward scissorhands.
hell, with the rate you go....you'd probably have to have someone finish the job you didn't a while back. one of these days, you're gonna end up getting something that ajax can't get rid of.
one of my best friends, well his other best friend just so happen to have tension between the two. fuck it, ill just say his two best friends are my ex and i.
and there was something said that i just need to vent about.
lets call the best friend harry and the ex voldemort for this post.
well voldemort just so happened to randomly ask harry how i was doing, and how my father was doing. my issue, if voldemort wanted to check...he can ask me himself. i'm sure he wouldn't like the response, but point made. and how my dad is doing has NOTHING to do with him. i don't want him knowing shit about that. where was he when i first found out that my father had cancer and i was breaking down? the moment i needed voldemort the most, he was NEVER there. he has no right.
and as far as i am concerned with how i am doing....i am doing just fucking fine. now that he is gone....my life couldn't get any better, excluding the father cancer thing. i no longer have to stress over anything he had me stressing over before.
he was not the knight in shining armor, he was just one of the losers wrapped in tin foil that shows up before the real deal comes along.
and last thing.....
i was on the phone with harry and voldemort had the audacity to ask in the background why i am so hateful towards him.
uh, did he forget about the fact that he is a narcissistic asshole who cheated, then made me the villain.
honey, i'm not the villain....i'm the victim. and my retaliation could have been a lot worse.
i don't just burn bridges, i blow them the fuck up. plus, i always said from the first time you met me, that i am not one to be fucked with, and if my bitch switch gets flipped, it will cause you to hate me. believe me now honey?
i'm sure it hurt that nice little ego that you were outsmarted and caught, for once. yeah, you're welcome.
you're the one who cheated and got caught in public. even tho that wasn't the first time you had cheated on me, but i made sure it was the last. and you being caught should have happened a lot sooner, but it is what needed to happen to finally let me see the real you.
so yeah, i'm hateful because i can be, that's why. i hold grudges, for quite some time.
its not my fault that you cant stay faithful and are a pathological liar. you know, after all this i have someone to compare you to.....my mother. yep, that's it.
ps: i have caught myself wishing that you'd get a hand job from edward scissorhands.
hell, with the rate you go....you'd probably have to have someone finish the job you didn't a while back. one of these days, you're gonna end up getting something that ajax can't get rid of.
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
my reflection...
My reflection is not me,
It is my devil.
It is the thing slowly dragging me down
It twists my features
It plays with my mind
I cannot see my face without seeing my devil.
It is my devil.
It is the thing slowly dragging me down
It twists my features
It plays with my mind
I cannot see my face without seeing my devil.
She twists my hair, paints my face
I am not me, I am not beautiful
She is all I despise
The part I wish to burn
There is no way to kill my devil
I am not me, I am not beautiful
She is all I despise
The part I wish to burn
There is no way to kill my devil
Even away she haunts my mind
She weighs down my shoulders
She hunches my back
My eyes drop
My hands shake
‘There are too many people’ she whispers
‘They all hate you’ I find myself saying
She weighs down my shoulders
She hunches my back
My eyes drop
My hands shake
‘There are too many people’ she whispers
‘They all hate you’ I find myself saying
My reflection is me
The part I hate
I can’t get rid of her
I must learn to live with her
If only she were a devil.
The part I hate
I can’t get rid of her
I must learn to live with her
If only she were a devil.
stop stepping on my heart...
You told me that I meant something to you, do you remember that? You said all these beautiful words to me and made me feel like I actually deserved them. And now you can’t stand to be around me. I can’t say that I didn’t see this coming, everyone I love eventually leaves me. I’m just so tired of giving my heart to people who don’t treat it well. I gave you so much of myself just to try to keep you whole and if that isn’t enough for you, I don’t know what is.
her eyes...
the teardrops run down,
and fall off her nose,
she cries in dark corners,
where nobody goes,
you can follow the tracks,
from her eyes to her chin,
years upon years,
of letting them win,
and her eyes tell a story,
of anger and pain,
you think that she's happy,
but look again,
and the scars of her past,
hidden under her clothes,
are a road map to places,
that nobody knows,
her smile is now painted,
she's a master of disguise,
and you can see it all,
just look into her eyes.
-eh
and fall off her nose,
she cries in dark corners,
where nobody goes,
you can follow the tracks,
from her eyes to her chin,
years upon years,
of letting them win,
and her eyes tell a story,
of anger and pain,
you think that she's happy,
but look again,
and the scars of her past,
hidden under her clothes,
are a road map to places,
that nobody knows,
her smile is now painted,
she's a master of disguise,
and you can see it all,
just look into her eyes.
-eh
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
the taste of...
You taste like working in the midday sun
Like falling under a wave in the ocean
Like the way that bleach smells
Like a story I can’t bring myself to tell
I kept coming back to feed again
Swept up in cosmic connections
Sold on the story of soulmates
Gave of myself til there was none to take
It was all seaside real estate
For sale in Tennessee
All I could see
Was potential
and the way you literally filled
A metaphoric hole
Ripped into me and never stopped
I would have never had enough
Like falling under a wave in the ocean
Like the way that bleach smells
Like a story I can’t bring myself to tell
I kept coming back to feed again
Swept up in cosmic connections
Sold on the story of soulmates
Gave of myself til there was none to take
It was all seaside real estate
For sale in Tennessee
All I could see
Was potential
and the way you literally filled
A metaphoric hole
Ripped into me and never stopped
I would have never had enough
why should i love you...
“I wrote a poem about you.
No, that does not mean that I love you with every single breath I take or with all of my willpower. I don’t even love you. How could you expect me to love you when you slowly destroyed me? You tore at every last shred of my sanity, everything that kept me alive.
I wrote a poem about you.
But I don’t love you.
Not at all.
I can’t love you.
Why on earth do you expect me to love you? You turned a blind eye to the part of you that was killing me. You’re not eating away at my happiness because you love me. You don’t love me, so why should I love you?
Fuck you.
I said it.
Fuck you.
I’m not writing this because I love you.
I’m writing this because I want you out of my life.
Fuck you.”
No, that does not mean that I love you with every single breath I take or with all of my willpower. I don’t even love you. How could you expect me to love you when you slowly destroyed me? You tore at every last shred of my sanity, everything that kept me alive.
I wrote a poem about you.
But I don’t love you.
Not at all.
I can’t love you.
Why on earth do you expect me to love you? You turned a blind eye to the part of you that was killing me. You’re not eating away at my happiness because you love me. You don’t love me, so why should I love you?
Fuck you.
I said it.
Fuck you.
I’m not writing this because I love you.
I’m writing this because I want you out of my life.
Fuck you.”
Thursday, January 1, 2015
2015...
Its gonna be a no fuckboy
2015
A no weak ass friendships
2015
A no self hate 2o15 A speak my mind. 2105. A don’t hold back 2015. Imma do it to em.
2015
You ready?
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