helter skelter...

after a while, i started to realize:

i deserve more than words and empty promises. 
the more chances i gave, the more respect i lost. 
i feel that my standards were ignored because no matter how bad things were messed up, it was known that i would always give in and give another chance. 
i deserve to have good morning and good night texts, even if i dont speak to them all day.
i had given and given, and it was never enough.
i was tired of feeling like an option. 
i had tried to look past my fears that i had. 
i always said that i wouldnt let the fear that he was being unfaithful overpower me, but it did.
i acted like it didnt bother me, but it did. 
i was insecure, but i had a reason to be.

it was like i had given him the key to my heart, and he kept losing it.
so i kept making copies to keep giving to him. 
i had given one too many chances. 
yeah, he always will have a special place in my heart, and i do not hate him, but i deserve better. 

i was tired of waiting for a phone call or text saying "hey. miss you.", etc. 
because there were times when i didnt get anything. 
disappointment.
i was tired of being ignored.
i was tired of everytime we seen each other we had sex. 
we would stay in and have sex instead of going out.
dont get me wrong, the sex was amazing. 
but thats all the relationship was based on.

it was never supposed to be like this, in the first place. 
it wasnt normal. 

it was hard as hell to walk away, but i had to.