never him...

he’ll make you feel so beautiful, like you were the only woman to exist. it’ll rub off on you like a song you can’t get out of your head, every time you see your reflection, you’ll think of him. and his bright eyes when you walk into the room. but don’t you know? God not only sees you, He sees every soul, in every place, in all it’s wretched ways, and still finds beauty and value in you, specifically. His love will remind you, the sun is no match for the radiance within you. in all His creation, you’re the fireworks, the show He’s always watching.

it’s going to feel so exhilarating. to be in the passenger seat of his car, where he smells like smoke and other girl’s perfumes. you can practically hear their sighs from the past in the back seat. he makes you lose your breath and you define that as love. but what you don’t know is, that excitement only makes your heart race because you know it’s wrong. there is only One that can make what was wrong be right again and it’s not him. it’s not him.

it’s not him.

He’ll have a tempting, rosey mouth with the softness of petals. and hands like a saving grace. ((don’t you know there is only one pair of hands that were scarred to grant you redemption and unending mercy?)) and when he touches you, you feel like a fortress, a castle hiding the most unique gem inside. but don’t you know? it’s not his warm skin holding you that makes you a diamond, your beauty isn’t found in his fingers and palms, roaming you like an artifact he can buy from a drug store. no, God sees you as the ultimate prize, the stunning creature, the reason He let His son die. the child lost, unaware of the potential she holds.

it’s going to end, the anticipation for him. because what you think is a love story is just a story of compromise, as you lose who you are in the name of “love” when all it is, is a lust for the rebellion he lives for.

i’ll tell you. i was on fire whenever he was around. but, with God, i encountered an overwhelming, life changing, intoxicating warmth. but with him, i got burned. i got hurt. i got scars. and i’ll always have the marks to remind me that what feels good now only leads to blisters later on.

i said “no” to him with an aching chest, a pain that told me it was still worth it. it was a sacrifice and sacrifices always hurt at the start. my lips cracked and my skin bled, but i knew letting him go was best.

because i live for the ultimate Love and no human affection can suffice.

i can’t describe how hard it was. to look in his pleading eyes, unknowingly asking me to choose between two men. and it’s never going to be him. it’s never him.

it shouldn’t ever be him.