its 2 am...

...and i wish i could get better

I have a headache growing at the front of my mind
and it’s whispering my name over and over again,
as if by repeating it excessively, it will no longer
mean anything and I will be wiped from existence.
Sometimes it just really sucks, feeling like
you don’t want to feel anymore and then your
body kind of just crumbles and falls to every
negative thought you’ve ever had.
I wish this type of pain didn’t exist but hey
it’s fucking life and I gotta deal.
But sometimes it’s so hard– I don’t even know,
will my smiles ever come without anchors
hanging off the corners of my lips?
It’s getting late, and I should be getting some
sleep– I just don’t know if I’ll want to get
up to kiss the sun tomorrow morning.
Fuck. One day, I’m going to hold the light
in my palms and it won’t be from cigarette butts.
I’m gonna make it out of this shithole– I’m going
to grow from this. Fuck the mentality of what if
it doesn’t get better. Fuck. I will break through
iron cages if I have to. I’m going to tear this dead
shell off of me like I was born to exfoliate.
See, I’m already making jokes. Fuck yeah, I’m
going to do this. I’m going to wake up to see
the sun rise. I’m going to get better. Fucking yes.